I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
DANNY?!?!?!
MOM?!?!?!?!
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amp
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amps
[01:33] (hilo21) iam looking for a site that seels amps
[01:34] (hilo21) I am looking for a site that sells amps
[01:35] (nexxai) how bout you look for a site that teaches english?
[01:35] (hilo21) fuck you
[01:36] (nexxai) Lemme guess, you'd kick my ass, but can't read the road signs to get to my house?
Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
This cake is soooo good
it's like sex, except I'm having it
next person to talk after his line will be kicked :)
*this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide ( 12 ‹ 619 12 › )
so my speakers haven't beeen working for a while
they were plugged into the mic port
umm, i think they are color-coded
haha, i know
i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
* npl has set the topic on channel #cell6 to i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?
Neither.
Because it's twelve.
* @Lan plays with his privates.
...
<@Lan> I got these new toy soldiers
<@Lan> They are really neat
Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man
Tim: batman
Sidd: batman
Mjordan2nd: I'd be god
In a perfect world... spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.
(JHawk111420) Hey whats up, a/s/l?
(Lady Renegade) more than you want, I'm sure :)
(JHawk111420) ill take that as a challenge ;-)
(Lady Renegade) take it any way you want sweetie
(JHawk111420) k, how old are ya?
(Lady Renegade) probably too old for you, but let's pretend I'm 20 ;)
(JHawk111420) k, what do ya look like?
(Lady Renegade) before or after I'm dressed up?
(JHawk111420) both :-D
(Lady Renegade) well......after I'm dressed up, I have long sexy red hair, nails painted red to match the slinky dress I have on, stiletto heels, pouty lips, green eyes, boobs out to here, and a smile that stops
traffic
(JHawk111420) and before your dressed up?
(Lady Renegade) before I'm dressed up, I'm bald and wearing boxers...sometimes my weenie is peeking out
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello ....
lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
haha mendo
take a screen shot
wait
that made no sense
I think the people above me are having sex
either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."
Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it
Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!
Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders
random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye
damn
FUCK
DAMN
i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
FUCK
i go like this to her
"i want to suck on your clit"
FUCK
This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
"However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."
there was this one time I was wanking to porn...
... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing
so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs
alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door
I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like"
and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial"
Brad do you have any issues with " burn in " on your plasma?
nope
kool
How well does it handle blacks
I have it bolted to the wall, so they can't really take it without some serious work
brad, your mom is fine as shit
i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
Jesus-fucking christ!!!
Woah, I got the weirdest moment of my entire life this morning
what happened?
you know, there was a party at my neighbours' last night
yeah, you've been fucking drunk..
you've been there, too?
sure...
well, you see i can't remember anything
but this morning I woke up in my bed, and there was my mom lying next to me.
wtf...?
That's exactly what i thought
So, my mom got up instantly when i woke up, smiled at me and said "U're so much better than your dad is." then she left the room
OMFG!!!
you didnt do that! TELL ME IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!! TELL ME YOU'RE A DUMBASS LIAR!!!
no, i'm not lying
OMG!!!
but it turned out she was playing a trick on me. Paycheck for coming home late, all drunk.
...
your mom's such a freak. o.O
<@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
<@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
<%The_Coolest> y?
<+Enyo> why?
<%The_Coolest> :o
<@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
<@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'
i like stalked this girl sorta :D
like once she asked me for a ride home from work
and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house
and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived?
Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen
"Male masturbation is a personal turn off for me. As a single woman, I'm especially looking for a man who doesn't masturbate, even while he's single."
GOOD LUCK, BITCH.
can you guys see what I type?
no, raize
How do I set it up so you can see it?
Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week.
Why does it seem like every time you join this channel, you end up talking about the weather?
Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather?
Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather.
I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live.
Let's start there. What do you do for a living?
I'm a meteorologist.
dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89.
<@maddox> FUCK!
<@maddox> my mom just found my website
<+DMTec> isn't she proud?
<+khoveraki> ha
<@naken> you've been on tv 2 times, in the newspapers several times, been banned from a country, has 40 million pageviews
<@naken> and you didn't tell your mother?
<@maddox> "what is this? Did you draw this? It looks like a penis." "No mom, I didn't draw a penis"
<+DMTec> ROFL
<+DMTec> "no mom, i didn't draw a penis" thats good
<@maddox> now she's crying
haha, your mom doesn't know about your website?
<@maddox> (on the phone)
<+DMTec> maddox: did she see the "suprise - I have a penis"-greeting card?
<@maddox> dmtec: oh fuck, I forgot about that.. yeah I guess I did draw a penis.
bahahahaha
<@maddox> hahahahahaha she just said "I wish I would have died and not raised you"
<+khoveraki> rofl
<@maddox> she hung up
You are dispwned maddox
ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE
I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.
on one of those speech-to-text programs my friend ripped ass onto the mic.
and it typed out "France"
we were like, wtf?
Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
Yeah I know.
Oh wait
You mean, like, a concert?
yes
Jesus Saves
pases to moses, SCOOOOORE
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